When “Yes” Doesn't Mean Yes
What I learned from my conversation with TEDx speaker John McGraw
Yesterday, I had the pleasure of hosting a livestream with John McGraw—a two-time TEDx speaker, intercultural communication specialist, and someone who has spent years helping people understand how culture shapes the way we communicate, lead, and connect.
Going into the conversation, I expected we’d talk about TEDx.
And we did.
But what surprised me was how quickly our discussion shifted toward something much deeper.
We talked about belonging.
About communication.
About workplace misunderstandings.
And about how often talented people get overlooked, not because they lack ability, but because we interpret their behavior through our own cultural lens.
One story John shared really stayed with me.
Years ago, he was teaching English in Japan.
He explained an exam strategy to a student named Kenji:
“Never leave a question blank. If you’re unsure, just guess. There’s no penalty.”
Kenji smiled.
Nodded.
Said yes.
Then handed in the test with several unanswered questions.
John admitted he was frustrated.
“Why didn’t he do what I explained?”
Later, another teacher helped him understand what had happened.
“John, Kenji is Japanese. He wouldn’t tell you he didn’t understand. That would imply your instructions weren’t clear.”
Kenji never came back.
John never had the chance to apologize.
But that experience stayed with him and eventually became the inspiration for his first TEDx Talk.
Listening to that story made me reflect on an experience of my own.
I shared a memory from visiting family in Pakistan.
A host placed a huge piece of lamb onto my plate.
The problem?
I was already completely full.
In many cultures, politely refusing food isn’t simply about food—it’s about hospitality, generosity, and respect.
Eating it would have made me uncomfortable.
Rejecting it outright would have hurt someone I cared about.
So I tried to find a middle ground.
I complimented the meal.
Praised the host.
Asked about dessert.
Made a joke.
And eventually everyone laughed.
It wasn’t really about the lamb.
It was about understanding what the gesture represented.
That exchange reminded me how easy it is to misread people.
In many workplaces, we assume confidence looks the same everywhere.
We assume good employees always speak up.
We assume asking questions means engagement.
And we assume saying “yes” means agreement.
But sometimes “yes” simply means:
“I’m listening.”
Sometimes silence means respect.
Sometimes hesitation hides extraordinary talent.
And sometimes the difference between misunderstanding someone and unlocking their potential is simply a little more curiosity.
A Few Questions Worth Asking
What assumptions do I carry about leadership?
How do I define confidence?
When someone behaves differently from me, am I seeing incompetence, or simply a different cultural operating system?
John recently became a two-time TEDx speaker, and his first TEDx Talk, When Yes Isn’t Yes: How Cultural Assumptions Silence Talent, was published last week.
If you’re interested in leadership, storytelling, TEDx, belonging, or navigating today’s increasingly global workplaces, I think you’ll enjoy our conversation.
🎥 You can watch the full livestream replay here:
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one cultural misunderstanding that taught you a lesson you’ll never forget?